Body Noises

Living alone has certain advantages, and one of them is the fact that you don't have to behave as though you were on a fancy restaurant having dinner with the late Princess Soraya, Carolina Herrera or Paris Hilton (although she's disgusting, I have to admit she's left a mark on the pop culture, doing nothing) and can relax yourself and behave like just another Michael Moore or Anna Nicole Smith (well, not exactly like any of both, I just meant in the terms of being classy)

One of these things you'd NEVER do unless you're alone is letting your body making some noises socially considered unpolite and on many occasions, unacceptable. Burping is one of those "relieving" noises our body produces on the most unexpected occasions. I live with my landlords and the husband (Gonzalo) was recently operated on, so he's staying at home recovering. And oh man he does love burping! Sometimes I get home after a day of work, and I usually step into my bedroom and take a short nap to recharge my batteries. But, since I enter very silently and his doo is pulled, he does not notice I'm home. So, on the very moment I'm falling aslept .. a BIG BURP (like 5-7 seconds long) escapes from his mouth and the echo reverberates on my window. Shit, he's VERY noisy!

Another body noise is a flatulence (to put it in nice-reading words) or .. a fart! One of the kids I tutor (yes, now I tutor two kids) and I met at a house once to work on a World History Project, and he went to the bathroom .. but the noises were heard clear and strongly in the studio! Well, not just the noises .. when he came back, I told him " Listen, you'd better go to church, and confess with a priest; save your soul at least, 'cause your body is totally rotten!"

But the one I hate the most, is snoring. My uncle (my mom's only brother) still lives with my grandmother (after his divorce) and he snores very, VERY loud. Once I was visiting them, at midnight, I thought I had heard a pig close to the house, which is virtually impossible since we were inside the city.. but it was my uncle Tunco snoring! Then I heard my granny walking towards his bedroom, opening the door (yes it was VERY loud) and then I heard a BIG spank, and her voice saying "come on! move and sleep on your side! you're waking up the entire neighborhood!" and his just-woke-up voice saying "uh? what's goin' on, ma?". I though I hated snoring, but my granny won me over!

..and no, I'm not gonna talk about my own body noises!